Archive for July, 2009
Monday, July 20th, 2009
Welcome to Valko’s Bite Sized Movie Reviews If you are anything like me, when reading a review of a movie there are three things you want to know: 1. A brief description of what the movie is about. 2. Who stars in it. 3. Was it good, or not, according to the reviewer’s opinion.
Bite Sized Movie Reviews offers the above three criteria only (and sometimes not even all of them). The reviews are simply my self-determined, selfish, cocky opinion of the movies I watched. Think of me as the guy you went to the show with. When it was over, and we were walking out of the theater, you asked: “Well, what did you think?” My answer are the reviews you see here.
Bite Sized Movie Reviews rating system:
Scrupulous
Delicious
Tasty
So so
Awful
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Saturday, July 25th, 2009
So, so.
The title of the movie tells you everything you need to know about the premises. A group of men on a weekend bachelor party in Las Vegas get so blasted that the next day they can’t remember what happened the night before. There are hints everywhere, however, like they wake up in their suite with a tiger in the room and an infant in the closet, without a mother. I admit that there were times where I had to laugh. Many times. But there were just as many times when I cringed at the low level of toilet humor. I don’t know, maybe I’m old fashioned. I just don’t think it’s funny to take a baby infant and, by pumping its arm up and down, make it look like its masturbating. Ha. Ha. It took a genius to come up with that one. If you can get past the crass humor it’s funny. If you don’t mind seeing pictures of ugly women giving blowjobs, you might want to pass.
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Saturday, July 25th, 2009
Tasty
A contrived script. A predictable plot. A forgettable story. But I liked it anyway. Go figure. Sandra Bullock is really hard not to like. So is the man she has to marry in order to keep in citizenship in the U.S., Ryan Reynolds. Especially good was Sandra romping around the bedroom in her birthday suit. But that’s not fair. She’s a fine actor. Anybody that can carry a movie has got to be good. And she is. I could have done without the male stripper being crammed down my throat. If you want to laugh a little, and feel the love, check it out.
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Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
So so
Fantastic special effects. But special effects alone don’t do it for me. I need characters I can feel for, and a plot that I can buy into. Terminator Salvation offered neither. Unlike the characters that I could connect with in The Terminator and Terminator 2 — Judgment Day, the characters in this latest attempt left me cold—like I was on a date with someone in which I had little in common. You know the feeling? Bottom line: I just didn’t care what happened to the characters. Nevertheless, I like Terminator Salvation better than I expected. Probably because of the special effects.
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Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
Scrupulous
The story of a reverse aging. A man is born an old man and for the next three hours grows young on the screen. The word charming comes to mind, with an understated (but excellent) performance from Brad Pitt, and a fine performance from Kate Blanchette, who convincingly spans several decades as her (like Pitt’s) character ages. Screenwriter Ed Roth (Forrest Gump), takes an improbable short story by F Scott Fitzgerald and turns it a believable story you don’t want to end. It’s long, about three hours, but well worth the sit. I can’t wait to see it again.
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Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
Scrupulous
One of the best movies I’ve seen in years. The devise used to unravel the rags to riches story of a “slumdog” Indian boy, through the playing of the game, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, is fresh and captivating. For us Americans who believe a “crisis” is paying a dollar more per gallon of gas, be prepared so see a real crisis, which is the lives of slumdogs, as depicted in this film. Also be prepared to share in the ecstasy.
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Thursday, July 9th, 2009
Delicious
The Wrestler is about a washed up pro wrestler whose career and life has passed him by. It’s one of those films where the actor and the movie become one. Mickey Rourke is the part he plays. It’s a wonderful character study. Marisa Tomei plays a stripper who’s Rourke’s love interest. She does a fine job as well. I think professional wrestling is as ridiculous as you can get—I’ve never liked it, nor spent more than ten minutes watching it (since about the age nine). That said, I loved this film. It’s not as much about wrestling as it is about life, or the waste of a life.
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